Oct. 23rd

Did you get the new Radiohead? You decide what you pay for the download. That's initiative.

I watched jets fly over the city today. They float and drift between buildings, looking for the strip of land large enough to hold their bulky frames.

What if you aren't good at what you love? Maybe the test of courage is answering the question. I'm trying to answer it. Not answering means not failing. I'm trying to keep that, but it creates such a weight upon my body. And that weight is the idea that I am losing my chances. That the world of possibilities, of success and failure and surprises and new directions is slipping silently through my outstretched fingers because I didn't bother to clench them and unrelentingly fight for what ever dreams I have. Because I am afraid.

And this couldn't be a movie or an entertaining story because the answer is so obvious: fight. Fight and fail, fight and win, just fight, so that a story could be told, the story of fighting. I'm held back by a fear of finding my own story.

I am the man from the Harry Potter books who died exactly the same way he lived, without a fight. So I am going to fight.

By November 1st, I will put my script up at Google Docs and send out invitations to those friends who want one, and then they can give me feedback and criticism and construction and that is a step out of the mire. This is a definitive date, so that I can be held to it.