The Pumping of My Heart
If I could delve into spiritual matters (it is Ash Wednesday, after all), I am currently experiencing spiritual growth in the form of "Dear God, why is my life in this state right now?" Although my private version contains a lot more use of the f-word and a lot of frustration you can't see here. Basically, I can't see a clear purpose for being in Chicago, and every one of my attempts to make something happen here end up in failure.
And I'm not saying it's His fault. And I don't know how it could be my fault, mainly because the woman who didn't hire me didn't call me back like she said she would when I asked her if she had any advice for me. Do you see my frustration? But, is it just circumstance? Coinciding failures that go from being heartbreaking to comical to irritating? I have trouble believing that.
So, we are having a fight, He and I, and the end result on my side is a blank stare. Okaaaaayyyy, You can do something now! So I was looking on Craigslist tonight, and I was wondering: is he pushing me here or here.
I know, I know. I have already heard your answer a thousand times in my own head. The thrilling thought of helping someone to achieve is only equaled by the terrifying thought of learning about a different plane of economic existence.
But what about me? We've had fights like this before, about the direction that my life could take, and the direction that I wanted to take (not necessarily zombie movies), and the direction I was supposed to take. I thought we had settled that, but maybe some things were left unfinished. I just feel like the teaching route is an end to other opportunities. Are people allowed to get Graduate degrees and then not use them? Because I thought that was just for Bachelors.
When you listen to Coldplay's "The Scientist" do you think of The Fall or something less dramatic?
And I'm not saying it's His fault. And I don't know how it could be my fault, mainly because the woman who didn't hire me didn't call me back like she said she would when I asked her if she had any advice for me. Do you see my frustration? But, is it just circumstance? Coinciding failures that go from being heartbreaking to comical to irritating? I have trouble believing that.
So, we are having a fight, He and I, and the end result on my side is a blank stare. Okaaaaayyyy, You can do something now! So I was looking on Craigslist tonight, and I was wondering: is he pushing me here or here.
I know, I know. I have already heard your answer a thousand times in my own head. The thrilling thought of helping someone to achieve is only equaled by the terrifying thought of learning about a different plane of economic existence.
But what about me? We've had fights like this before, about the direction that my life could take, and the direction that I wanted to take (not necessarily zombie movies), and the direction I was supposed to take. I thought we had settled that, but maybe some things were left unfinished. I just feel like the teaching route is an end to other opportunities. Are people allowed to get Graduate degrees and then not use them? Because I thought that was just for Bachelors.
When you listen to Coldplay's "The Scientist" do you think of The Fall or something less dramatic?
posted by Monsterbeard @ 12:58 AM
3 Comments:
At 3:41 PM, March 03, 2006,
Anonymous said…
Okay, Chris, I like that joke about "I thought that was just for bachelor's degrees."
Regarding jobs: it is very important for you to believe and understand something: not getting a job for which you've applied is not a failure. It takes superhuman effort, immense qualifications, or, most importantly, connections to get an interview. To be considered "successful" in getting a job I would say you can expect 1 interview for 50 opportunities you've applied to, or have some specific skills and qualifications or connections, as I said.
If you approach applying for jobs with the feeling that you should expect a 1:1 or even 1:10 success rate, you're going to feel like shit, because you have incredibly high expectations. Like Anna would say, you're setting yourself up for failure.
It may feel like a failure to not get an interview, but if you feel powerless, putting your resume and cover letter out there, that's because there's only so much you can do with a resume and cover letter--but there are other things you can be doing to help.
Working a part-time job for $25/hour could be a great opportunity; assuming the job has enough work for you survive financially, you'd have time to pursue other opportunities.
I'd love to see you get a job with some potential for video production stuff. Zombie movies would be good too. Or get a graduate degree. That sounds pretty fun. But it will be important along that path for you to have some perspective, and happiness, and peace. That will make the getting there much easier.
At 6:12 PM, March 03, 2006,
shorttallnotatall said…
I join in the opinion written by Justice CANTONI, and would only add that I concur whole-heartedly. I couldn't have said anything better myself.
they really put their names in all caps like that. don't lose hope, friend.
At 3:16 PM, March 08, 2006,
Sweet T said…
To be alive is to be broken. And to be broken is to stand in need of Grace. Honesty keeps us in touch with our neediness and the truth that we are saved sinners. There is a beautiful transparency to honest disciples who never wear a false face and do not pretend to be anything but who they are.
- The Ragamuffin Gospels
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