In Limbo
For some reason, a curious state of limbo has surreptitiously swept its way across everyone I know. Whether it be school, or jobs, or any other sort of major life-change, we are caught in an uncertainty which leaves us all, from my own experience, extremely frustrated. I know I’m preaching to the choir, because the people who read this blog are the people I’m relating to. Why have we suddenly been put in this situation? Why isn’t anyone getting what they want? Is it because we’re trying to get what we want?
Wait, stop, go back. Is this what God wants? For us to want what he wants but we don’t. And I do what I don’t want to do, Paul. Maybe I’m (and I can only speak for myself) receiving a lesson that means “maybe you aren’t as righteous as you think you are,” which is probably always true in some ways. But Jesus told me that I was righteous despite my flaws, so how could I be paying for them now in the way of not getting what I want? Can God punish me for my disobedience when my debt is no longer my own (thank God)? It sounds preposterous, but then I look at Isaiah 58 and I can’t help but see myself in some of the accusations. However, that could just be my guilt complex.
Or is this a test? Are we being taught patience and faithfulness? My hope is that in a week I can look back at this moment and laugh, because everyone will have gotten what they wanted, and feel satisfied with the direction their life will now take. The best comfort is the easiest to hear and the hardest to accept: God has a plan, and it is better than any plans we could make, because he has our best interests at heart. “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him” -Romans 8:28.
But for now we wait with the hope we can manage, because Sarah had a son at the age of ninety, and everyone laughed till the day he was born.
Wait, stop, go back. Is this what God wants? For us to want what he wants but we don’t. And I do what I don’t want to do, Paul. Maybe I’m (and I can only speak for myself) receiving a lesson that means “maybe you aren’t as righteous as you think you are,” which is probably always true in some ways. But Jesus told me that I was righteous despite my flaws, so how could I be paying for them now in the way of not getting what I want? Can God punish me for my disobedience when my debt is no longer my own (thank God)? It sounds preposterous, but then I look at Isaiah 58 and I can’t help but see myself in some of the accusations. However, that could just be my guilt complex.
Or is this a test? Are we being taught patience and faithfulness? My hope is that in a week I can look back at this moment and laugh, because everyone will have gotten what they wanted, and feel satisfied with the direction their life will now take. The best comfort is the easiest to hear and the hardest to accept: God has a plan, and it is better than any plans we could make, because he has our best interests at heart. “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him” -Romans 8:28.
But for now we wait with the hope we can manage, because Sarah had a son at the age of ninety, and everyone laughed till the day he was born.
posted by Monsterbeard @ 3:46 AM
1 Comments:
At 1:01 PM, March 10, 2006,
Anonymous said…
God is not punishing you by causing you uncertainty right now, or even failure. I feel confident about saying that.
As to the larger, theological question, I don't know what God can or can't do, but most of the time God is not punishing us, but his discipline feels like punishment—the difference is that discipline does not mean forcing us to pay back our debt; instead, it means teaching us and doing the work of sanctification which was also promised.
I don't think this is a test, but it can be a teachable moment. It's not a test as much as a time of forging. I don't think patience is the answer (although patience is necessary), or faithfulness, if faithfulness is described as a lack of striving. I think being faithful is not contraindicated to being extremely active and aggressive in trying to get what you want or where you think you're supposed to be. That is what you can do with your faith, with confidence that the direction you feel led to take is God's plan--or, at the very least, that it's God's plan for you to attempt to take that direction.
Chris, you and I are very similar, and both of our natural states are something close to paralysis. If there is a lesson it is that you have spent enough time learning and practicing. Now it is time to do.
And it will be very hard. But it's good to do things that are very hard. And you can do those things, and not feel like you're doing the wrong thing or just floundering. I don't know if you need to be doing that in Chicago or in Hudson or in Athens or by finding a video editing job wherever you can find one, or something else entirely, but you're doing the right thing. Don't let doubt and uncertainty keep you from striving, creating and seizing opportunities, working extremely hard at difficult tasks, making yourself motivated and disciplined, and generally getting shit done.
For sustenance or encouragement I recommend Psalm 16. And also, here is one of my favorite passages, from 2 Corinthians 1. It is not happy. Paul is writing.
We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about the hardships we suffered in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life. Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us.
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